Intergenerational Conflict

Intergenerational Conflict

The Goal is Not Harmony
but  Authenticity

— Jenny Brown, PhD
—-Growing Yourself Up

Maintaining Individuality and Connectedness

How often do we truly make decisions based on our core values and beliefs? I’d suggest not nearly as often as we’d like to believe. In the process of fusion an individual anxiously focuses on relationships and gives up “self,” resulting in physical illness, emotional illness and/or a problem in social functioning.

  • Would you like to give up less of yourself to the family group?
  • Would you like to be less reactive and more self-directed?
  • Would you like to be both emotionally connected and self-directed?

Work on differentiation of self in one’s family of origin is the fundamental underpinning to growing oneself up as a mature adult. Tasks include redeveloping personal relationships with key family members, repairing cutoffs, detriangling from conflicts, and changing the part one plays in emotionally charged vicious cycles.

  • Would you like to learn how to set appropriate limits and boundaries?
  • Do you desire both intimate connection and emotional self-sufficiency?
  • Would you like to learn how to disagree without losing connection?

The journey of self-differentiation involves proactively defining yourself in relationship to others without emotionally cutting off or giving in. Whether you are fused and enmeshed, or conflicted, distant, cut-off and non-communicative, you remain undifferentiated, reactive and lacking in self-direction.

  • Do you desire both autonomy and healthy interdependence?
  • Would you like to learn how to set appropriate limits and boundaries?
  • How might you respond to relationship pressure with integrity?

The practice of Mindful Relationships focuses on real world behavior. Your goal is to change your part in family relationships, not to agree or disagree. Attending to multigenerational relationship patterns helps ensure your legacy is a positive one.

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Best of luck on your unfolding journey of a lifetime