Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in
― Leonard Cohen
The ‘Changing the Other Person’ Fantasy
and The ‘Mind Reading’ Delusion
Relationship difficulties most often arise from some combination of current stressors, chronic anxiety, emotional reactivity, and societal expectations. If we enter our relationships in a search for fusion, and the anxiety decreasing without issue-resolving creation of triangles, then at some point we will inevitably feel distant, unloved, not attended to and unseen.
- What unrealistic expectations have you brought to your marriage?
- Did you expect to find the perfect partner?
- Are you laboring under misconceptions and unrealistic expectations?
Relationship conflicts arise not so much from the problems, issues, and predicaments we all struggle with, but rather from as the difficulties we have in resolving them with our partner. A reality-based view helps humans learn to ask directly for what they want, calmly maintain their position in the face of disagreement, and develop appropriate responsibility for self rather than over-functioning for others.
- Would you like to develop realistic expectations for intimacy and autonomy?
- Would you like to gain more joy and satisfaction in your emotional life?
- Would you like to learn more creative ways to resolve relationship difficulties?
The positive results of this conscious responding include:
- Reducing interpersonal distress
- Resolving conflicted interactions
- Improving communication
- Strengthening relationships
- Reducing chronic stress and anxiety
- Creating a nurturing atmosphere in which to promote active problem solving, healing, and emotional well-being
The practice of Mindful Relationships can help you learn how to maintain a solid sense of self while wrapped up in the most intimate of physical and emotional connections, to consciously engage in your romantic relationships with presence and compassion as a basis for physical and emotional intimacy and bliss.
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